Exiting a building and heading for the street corner in 2014 I waited.
The sun was shining, the wind had calmed. I waited. It felt like I was walking amongst the clouds. As though my inner child was racing around laying in the cloud tops. That the world was at my feet.
Right before exiting that building a phone call had been made. The man in the building was worried.
The silly thing was my phone had run out of credit. Unbeknown to me after two hours, on returning from lunch break, this man had become really worried. And another phone call had been made.
The lift finally arrived. Back to the drivers place we went. having worked night shift as a security guard the first phone call had temporarily disturbed him. The second had woken him up. That was a Friday.
Two days later there I was back again. The question was put..”did you get it” the reply “Yes”. An hour later they remembered my autism streak that sometimes takes over and asked another question. “Where is it?” “In my bag” Their jaw dropped. They paled.
“How long were you standing on the corner waiting for me?”. The reply: ” Two hours”.
To say that they nearly fainted would be stretching things too far. Instead, let’s put it that they broke out in a cold sweat! That would be nearer the truth.
“Why did you not phone?” “No credit on the phone”.
This may sound a stupid thing to have done to many people. At that time in my life, the cognitive processes were just not connecting. So having one hundred one hundred dollar bills in my hand-bag represented a way forward. Standing on the street corner, in public view, in the sun in the lunchtime crowd there was no danger.
Previously the only time in all my life I have ever seen more than ten one hundred dollar bills in my hands was when I needed to pay a lawyer to act on my behalf over a matter. He needed thirteen of those notes.
Back to that day in 2014. The next day there was a trip to another bank to deposit this one inch of one hundred dollar bills, along with my very own security guard in tow! Who I must admit would not talk to me for over a week afterwards! The large education, training, and upskilling payment had now been made.
Today, just over two years later, a personal decision had been made. To dispense with the conditioning of making do. Of not quite achieving . Of the conditioned acceptance to be like my mother was trained in her early childhood. That of being the primary carer for others and always giving of herself. The same accept second best conditioning that had been passed on through my own children. I was horrified.
Exasperated at a statement made by mum on December 2015 the recognition of this conditioning was made. I asked mum why do you do this to yourself?” the reply “I was brought up to give in so that I could look after the others.”
In the six months from that time mum has made a firm stand. There is to be no more ‘running away. This needed to be done now. Before it is too late’ . To get to this point has taken some time and a lot of care and running around.
The marvelous thing with building an alternative digital lifestyle is the flexibility available even at this beginners level.
Yesterday a friend asked “Susan with all this work you have done over the last two years what is the reason you have not made any money with this program” The answer was simple ” I had not put any links into my posts until recently. Nore had I shared them around. She was astounded. “Why?” “Because I did not understand the full process until now.” For me to understand something I need to visualize it.
The OCD had kicked in and it took some time to sort myself out, then sort that process out. “And now I do. So I am.”
This morning as i woke up there I lay. Warm as toast. A mental mindset change was happening. A mental concept realignment.
I have a note on my desk. “To say the word “Hope” is to gamble.” A friend once stated when I described the feeling of having this ten thousand dollars on my possession, then just standing on the street corner in the sun, feeling like I was floating on the clouds… “I hope you never loose that feeling”. To that friend “I still have that feeling” Also today the realization of why it is to help came through – very clearly.
Those people who have the drive within them to get up and move forward in the reality of harvesting their dreams.
Stated earlier “I am a visual person.” The memory of holding ten thousand dollars between two hands came back strong this morning. In order for the vision of helping people help people, there is a financial need to be met. The visualization of each hand being balanced, with their on 1-inch piles of counted, stacked and banked one hundred dollar bills per month is the picture now firmly in my head. The visualization is for that dream as a reality.
Often I speak to people without the desire to gain and use the skills. Being afraid to come out of their comfort zone. A place I was in a few years ago. In order to do what must be done now it is the time to have changed that circle of influence. To become the Community Development facilitator I am. Which means knowing others are in the front line, supported and with training, education, and skills complimenting their life experiences.